outta my heaad !

Misunderstood

So i’m thinking maybe i should be writing more on here than the usual crap i do :) anyways i thought i’d share my short story i did for english, it got a 19/20 and apparently - what the teacher said, i made him cry !! well thats a good thing then :) hah ! so here’s the story

Phoebe woke up to the thrill of her alarm on her phone. She rolled over like a lifeless doll and pressed the red button, tossing the phone under her pillow. She wasn’t a morning person, the winter light shining in through her window wasn’t bright or encouraging enough to get her out of bed. She quickly got ready for school and walked out to meet her best friend at their bus stop.

“I think me alarm went of late”, she mumbled as she approached Cleo.
She looked up to see Cleo for the first time that morning and was taken back by the purple-black bruises on Cleo’s face; she could tell by the way her friend was dressed that there was more. Cleo didn’t say anything as Phoebe appraised her; she had on the goofy face as if waiting to see what Phoebe would say. Phoebe could sense embarrassment in Cleo’s features. That was so like Cleo, trying to hide her emotions, make something funny out of a serious situation.

“Oh Cleo, what happened?” Phoebe’s emotions poured out at once.
She ran forward to her friend, her Cleo that she had known since childhood. She knew that Cleo’s life had suffered a dramatic change when Cleo’s father, the one that kept her family together, died – a hit and run. Cleo never did show her feelings, though Phoebe knew it shattered her. All Cleo was left with was a broken family, a mother too busy going in and out of rehab or hospital and her two brothers roaming the streets up to no good. As she held Cleo, she felt sobs break out, she didn’t no this Cleo, she cradled her friend pulling her under the trees away from prying eyes. She heard herself whisper sweet nothings, nothing meaningful that could possibly unbreak her Cleo’s heart. Looking at her friend she realised she looked broken beyond repair. Phoebe almost didn’t want to know what was going on.

Cleo wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her turtle-neck, “I’m sorry Phoebe, I didn’t mean for you to see me like this”, Phoebe stared back in disbelief.
“I am your best friend, since forever Cle, I know you better than anyone else, you shouldn’t care about how I see you”, she replied almost hurt. She decided she didn’t want to upset Cleo all again, “Do you wanna wag?” she knew Cleo needed to talk, she didn’t seem like her private self right now. Cleo nodded and both she and Phoebe walked back up to Phoebe’s place. “Mums out so we’ll have the house all to ourselves” she told Cleo. “New Client?” Cleo asked. Phoebes mum was the highest paying model/celebrity photographer, she was always getting clients. “Yep, it’s for the new Myer catalogue” she replied. They walked in silence until they reached Phoebes place. They both settled on the recliner with sodas when Cleo suddenly without notice removed her cream coloured turtle neck, revealing ugly bruises all along side of her body. Phoebe stared with astonishment trying to make sense of what her friend was showing her. She waited not saying anything, letting Cleo gather the guts to explain – give good enough reason for those marks tattooed on her. She watched as Cleo traced her marked face with her fingers, wincing once or twice as if recalling what brought on those dark marks.
“I don’t know what to say Phi, you were right? He used me! Is that what you wanted to hear?” Cleo finally broke the silence.

Phoebe could see the waterworks starting again, she didn’t say anything, and she couldn’t explain the feeling of anger that suddenly came upon her although she knew it wasn’t Cleo she was mad at. She took a deep breath, “I just need to know if you’re ok, because obviously you’re not, I maybe, also want to know why?” she looked at Cleo who was avoiding her gaze, “Mark?” she asked questionably. Cleo nodded, and Phoebe waited for her to continue. “Yes Mark, he did this, all of this”, she gestured to the marks on her body, “I loved him, well I thought I did, he promised me no one would hurt me, he made me feel safe” she cried, Phoebe walked over to where Cleo was sitting and put her arm around her, thankful that she didn’t shrug her off. “We had sex, or he had sex”, she corrected herself, “I didn’t want to, but he said we had to. It wasn’t him Cle, I promise. Mark wouldn’t…” and she stoped, reality sinking in, Mark did.
“And he hit you because you wouldn’t take part in….animalism?” Phoebe pieced together. Cleo nodded in response.
“Oh Cleo” Phoebe cried along with her friend. She knew they looked pathetic, two 16 year olds sobbing their hearts out trying to comfort each other. She didn’t care right then, Cleo needed her. It wasn’t Cleo’s fault she was raped, she thought silently. She knew she would wait for her mum, she always knew what to do. She and Cleo lay there on the couch together until mid afternoon when her phone buzzed, Cleo was asleep so she lay her head on a pillow and went to check her message, it was from her mother, she sent her a short message updating her on Cleo, leaving the important bits out but also pleading with her mother to come home, she would know what to do. Phoebe messed about the kitchen warming food from the other night up, setting the table with one extra plate for Cleo.
Cleo woke up cleaned herself up and came downstairs as Phoebes mum walked in. Phoebe saw how fragile Cleo looked, yet she made an effort to look presentable. As they sat at the table Cleo wondered what it would be like to be so close to her mother, she didn’t know anything about her mother, except that she cried a lot at night. Conversation lifted at the table as Phoebes mum – Sharon described her day, she seemed excited that she got a new client today. Cleo nodded politely trying hard not to drift off in thought. Phoebe could tell Cleo was becoming distant so she ended dinner. She spoke to Cleo in the kitchen out of her mums sight, “I’ve decided I should tell mum, she’ll no what to do” she explained, as she did she watched as Cleo’s face screwed up as she squealed, louder than any of them expected, “what?!?!??” she shouted, Phoebe motioned to her reminding her of her mother in the next room. “You cannot be thinking of doing that Phoebe Michelle! No-One, no-one I repeat will ever know!” she tried in vain to keep her voice down. Phoebe couldn’t understand, “but why? Surely you want Mark put away?” she watched as Cleo flinched as she said his name, she made a mental note to stop using his name. “I do Phoebe, God knows I do! But I can’t. Mark is friends with my brothers, Jared probably would be concerned abit, but then he’ll push it off thinking it was alright, Paul, well, he wouldn’t even think twice about it, he’d probably tell me to rack off! I know its not right Phe”, she tried to explain, “but nothing is these days”, she whined. And then Cleo walked out. Phoebe didn’t say anything, she didn’t call after Cleo or run out to check her, she just sat there and cried. Cleo was selfish! She knew that it was hard but why run away from it all? She felt her mum come and put her arms around her, lying in her arms Cleo was safe from it all but who would be there for Phoebe. Sharon led Phoebe up to bed and tucked her in, something she hadn’t done for a long time, she stayed with Phoebe until she was sure she was asleep, “sleep well my precious, as long as I’m around you’ll be safe”, she assured her sleeping daughter. As she shut the door behind her Phoebe wept, like never before. She wanted change, the world wasn’t suppose to hurt you like this. She cried herself to sleep for the first time that night.

One week had past and Cleo hadn’t been returning Phoebes calls, Sharon, Phoebes mum tried cheering her up but it was Cleo that was causing this, Cleo, her friend, her sister, her life. She knew the bond was too strong that the only way Phoebe was going to get over this was to go and see Cleo herself. She spoke to Phoebe that night about it and she agreed.
As Phoebe lay in bed she tossed and turned for hours. She didn’t know how to approach Cleo, she understood that Cleo was hurt, therefore wasn’t herself but Phoebe didn’t want to make anything worse. In her mind the scene from when Cleo was talking about Mark, about feeling safe, loved. She didn’t know Cleo was unhappy, everything seemed normal, she fell asleep lost in a pool of thoughts

Saturday morning looked and felt like the perfect morning, Phoebe decided to make her mum breakfast in bed, a sort-of thank you for being her rock when she was upset with Cleo. She kissed her mum awake and told her she was going out to see Cleo. As she walked down the driveway she dialled Cleo’s number for the umpteenth time, also to give her warning that she was coming around. The dial tone was ringing but it felt as if the tone was dead, she switched her phone off, Phoebe felt anger swell up inside her – ungrateful bitch ! she thought, she hardly ever used nor thought vulgar words but this time it was different, Cleo should wake up and realise the world doesn’t revolve around her, and if she wants to move on she has to embrace her problems, Phoebe sighed as she walked up Cleo’s street, she had better be home, she thought. The sky rumbled as if tuning to her mood, it better not rain, Phoebe had decided to start ironing her hair now and getting it wet and fuzzy would fuel her flaming hot anger. She rang the doorbell and stood back waiting for someone to answer, Jared & Pauls cars were both out so it would just be Cleo… hopefully. No one came to the door so she waited, she decided to sit on the lawn chairs and wait for someone to come home.

Phoebe decided to try Cleo’s phone again, on the third dial she heard Cleo’s ringtone, it was one of those stupid screaming babies, Phoebe jumped up and tried to locate the sound. The call went to voicemail so she redialled and tried again, she followed it to the back gate and slipped through the broken fence at the back. She ended the call when she saw the back door open. “Cleo?”, she called out breaking the silence, it felt wrong all of a sudden, her hair stood on the back of her neck, she accidentally stepped on a squeaky toy, why was there a baby’s toy h1ere? She walked to the backdoor and peeped in, it was quiet, the unusual stench hit her in the face, “ohh!”, she gasped as she covered her nose with her hand. She walked in thru the kitchen seeing days of washing up left unattended, where is Cleo? She thought, it was so silent it felt like she was talking to herself. She made her way through the rest of the house to the last room – Cleo’s room, as she reached the door she jumped as a spider crawled out from under Cleo’s bedroom door. “Cleo! Its me Phoebe, open up”, she called out. She turned the doorknob but it was locked. “Cleo!!”, she shouted, not knowing whether she was scared or angry! “Cleo Please”, she banged hard against the door for what seemed like hours. Somehow she broke the door down, she was drenched with hours of sweat, tears pleading with what she knows has become of her friend. She doesn’t believe it. Seeing is believing. She will see but make no promise to believe. She runs in and finds her Cleo sprawled on her bed in a pool of blood. Tears cloud her eyes as she nears her not knowing what to do. “Cleo”, Phoebe calls her friend. “Cleo I need you, get up”, she whispers hoarsely, “please” she repeats herself over and over again. Phoebe cradles her friends bloody body and weeps, she doesn’t mind the blood or the smell, it doesn’t come to her, she doesn’t smell nor see anything. Right now Cleo’s gone and it was her fault. The world seem to darken, her heart heavy, she held on willing her to come back, if she’d just close her eyes and wake, find out it was all a prank, her Cleo never was suppose to be like this, she was strong. Nothing would break her, but she knew that wasn’t true, Cleo couldn’t live with what had happened to her, she couldn’t live knowing that living itself was killing her – Phoebe didn’t know why all of a sudden she understood Cleo, she realised she never knew Cleo and that broke her heart. The next few hours was all a daze for Phoebe, she didn’t know how she got out of there or how Cleo was taken to the hospital but she was in her own bed, clean clothes and her mother. She saw a note beside her desk, with Cleo’s handwriting, she picked it off the dresser and opened it, it didn’t say much but this:

Dearest Phe,

I couldn’t anymore, I give up.
I’m tired you know? I’m really sorry for not answering your calls, it was the only way
I need isolation, I need alone time – something I never had. And I realise it’s something I never wanted. Don’t beat yourself up about this Phe, you were always the best thing about me, my times come. Me and planet earth don’t get along, we totally disagree, I can’t hang around and watch my family kill each other, I can’t hang around and watch me hurt you. This is all for the best you know.
Hey, smile ! Oh, remember that chick we learned about in English? Well I actually paid attention abit, something she said made me think, I reckon it’ll help you understand how I feel.
“I think we should look forward to death more than we do. Of course everybody hates to go to bed or miss anything but dying is really the only chance we’ll get to rest.”
I think her name was Flo or something.
I love you.

Forever xox

Like the famous Einstein said out of clutter, find simplicity, from discord, find harmony, in the middle of difficulty lays opportunity. Cleo couldn’t find anything, she looked but as she dug deeper she realised she was in the pits of her personal hell. The only way out was really to get out.
I was perfectly content with my life before the devil in human disguise made itself known. Now I want it all, even what isn’t mine to keep, she knew Cleo wasn’t hers anymore; Cleo was a speckle in the night sky, watching over her. Phoebe smiled, she would never understand Cleo but she was happy, she smiled to herself, we are all a part of everything, the future, present and the past, fly on proud bird, my darling Cleo you’re free at last.

thats it! waddeyouuthink?? xoxo

BONES and school:(

Just finished watching Bones and didn’t get ANY of it ! turns out it was all Booths dreaam :) thank gawd !! BUT he’s having memory loss ! =[ sad , going back to watching BONES :) Reminds me of school ! *sighs, hate Mondays! aarrrrrghhh

xoxo